Senator Shelby,
Hi. My name is David. I am one of your constituents. You know who we
are, right? We're the people you represent…you know, the ones you ask
to vote for you every time you run for reelection?
We all live in Alabama…you remember Alabama, don't you? Its that State
where your other house is, the one in Tuscaloosa, where you went to
school to learn to be a politician…I mean lawyer. Its that State
where you used to be a democrat, then switched to being a republican
because there aren't as many democrats in Alabama as there used to be.
We're that big red thing right between Georgia and Mississippi. And
we're conservatives (that's why they color it red in all those cute
political maps, for people like you who evidently have a hard time
keeping up). We carry guns. We pay our taxes. We pray in public. We
love soldiers, momma, and fishing. Do you remember any of this? Are
you even still awake?
If so, with all due respect, may I ask;
What in God's name were you thinking when you voted to approve Timothy
F. Geithner as the next Treasury Secretary of the United States of
America?
You do know that he failed to pay tens of thousands of dollars on his
tax returns and employed a housekeeper whose legal immigration status
lapsed while working for him, don't you?
You do know that we Alabamians stood staunchly opposed to his serving
in such a high and important capacity, right?
Are you aware that we have TWO (2) representatives in the Senate? The
other one's name is Jeff Sessions, and he does something that you
don't;
He gets it.
He represents US. The People of the Great State of Alabama and we are
proud of him. Why? Because he listens to us. He thinks. He talks to
us. He fights. He isn't a professional politician who will say and do
whatever he needs to in order to be reelected. We continue to reelect
him because of who he is, and who we are. He hasn't forgotten us. And
most importantly, he does what we ask him to do.
But all is not lost for you. I have come up with a plan that may
endear you to Alabamians in the same way that we love and respect our
true representative, Mr. Sessions. Its really quite simple, and I'll
even make you a nice little "action list" that you can print out and
tape to your knee whenever you enter the Senate Chamber:
1. Find Jeff Sessions and introduce yourself to him.
2. Try to sit near him, if they allow that in the Senate.
3. Once the session begins, don't talk, and don't listen to anything
anyone says, unless it is your new buddy, Jeff Sessions.
4. If your new buddy, Jeff Sessions scribbles something down, see if
you can sneak a peek at it when he isn't looking, then you scribble it
down too. (If you can't read it, just scribble so it looks like you're
actually thinking about something).
5. Whenever there is a vote, don't bother to listen to what the
Speaker is saying about what a "Yes" or "No" vote means. Just look at
your new buddy, Jeff Sessions, (they always ask him to vote before
you, in case you haven't noticed….it has something to do with the
letters in his last name, but don't hurt yourself trying to figure it
out), and listen to what Jeff Sessions says….VERY carefully (once he
announces his vote, you'll be called very soon, and this is where it
could get tricky).
6. When you are called, rise slowly, with confidence.
7. Look the Speaker directly in the eye.
8. Point to your new buddy, Jeff Sessions.
9. While still pointing at your new buddy, Jeff Sessions, say this
EXACT phrase: "What he said, Madam Speaker"
10. Sit down and shut up.
I think your life will be a lot easier and much more simple if you
will follow these 10 easy steps.
And maybe we Alabamians will become less embarrassed by your
"representation." We might even be able to stop shrugging our
shoulders, looking down, and kicking rocks as we mention your name. I
can't promise it, but it is a possibility.
Thanks,
David
One of your constiuents (see the first paragraph)
Posted via email from David's posterous
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